Ageism. If you’d have asked me about that 10 or even five years ago, I would’ve been quite frankly either skeptical or even astonished. Ageism? Sure, I’ve heard the word. I promptly pushed it to the back priority burner. “I’m not THAT old,” I kept telling myself.
I’ll be honest. I feel (well except at deadline for two papers - grin) just like the same “girl” I imagine myself to be. Until I look into a mirror. Who is that?, my mind screams. Don’t panic. I get it. I prepped myself. I’m not dumb. As a child then teen I wanted to age. Or so I thought, until recent years, and you will also have the big kahuna reality check my friends if you aren’t 60 on.
Thinking about it after saying that, 50 was a tough turn. I made a big deal with myself about it but as my best friend Sylvia told me back then, after having been through it a couple years before, “It’s just the same feeling the morning you wake up the day of your 50th birthday as the day before.” She was right. She’ll love reading that.
A few years back I was watching a PBS special, some ‘uplifting’ program, you know, self-improvement show.” The VERY (sorry but for “old” Gramma Het everyone is now VERY) much younger host was holding up his arms stretched out fully and he said, “This is the start of your life,” with arms stretched as wide as possible for visual effect. His hands began to move towards each other slowly, “This is your 20s, this is your 30s (hands /arms closing in), this is your 40s,” (uh oh, okay buddy, I see where you are going here. I pick up the remote to change channels) and then the “this is 50” outstretched arms and hands facing towards each other, moving in and still moving towards center. “This is 60,” he says, and my heart is in my throat. He stops for emphasis. I hold my breath. It’s so quiet in the audience like dead air.
Did I just say “dead?” Am I about to have a panic attack? Where did my life go? I’ve got to lose weight. Can I actually run at this age. Holy Moses, I haven’t run in quite a while. Maybe I can’t even run. When was the last time I made a life list? Oh man, I’m hooped. I must have chocolate hidden somewhere here. I don’t have a proper will. Oh God… breathe Het.
Sorry forgot where I was for a sec. Where was I?
My Grandma Lillie used to say, “When you forget something just walk backwards in your head.” Oh yes, ageism. It’s a fact, my friends.
Believe me, stuff becomes reality that used be something I joked about, saying, “One day my teeth will be in a glass, my face sagging towards the floor and my hair on my pillow and I’ll have to glue myself together each day to get going.” I’d laugh saying it. Guess what kids. Well I’ll spare you the details.
Suffice to say, the ripple effects of aging and resulting ageism is quite shocking at times. Like hearing that your extended benefits end at 70 when you are a year away from that age. Wow. That was a stunner.
Not everything is a kick in the pants, though. You don’t beat around the bush anymore when expressing yourself. I cherish every minute with my people, my family, friends and acquaintances. I’ve always enjoyed people, animals, nature but I think I absorb everything on a deeper level now. I’m embracing learning new things in a way I never have before. I’m so grateful that I’m being productive, useful, contributing, valued. I was becoming pretty lonely through the pandemic and feeling as though I was losing my worth, confidence and ability to be of use once again. It feels really fulfilling to give back, make a difference now and then, and reach out.
Trust me, I’ll speak out if facing injustice as I age, whether my voice will be heard, that’s another story. At least I know one thing for sure, I’m not alone in this. Meet you back here next week. I’ll bring the chocolate.
If you have a story, letter, photo (please send photos in JPEG, horizontal is best with applicable caption info of people in the photo from Left to Right) or offer your suggestions by contacting me at: The Barriere Star Journal: hettie.buck@starjournal.net or The Clearwater Times: editor@clearwatertimes.com