Abuser tricks #2

The third column in a series, courtesy of the Anti Violence Advocates Society

Anti Violence Advocates Society

Anti Violence Advocates Society

The following is a continuation list of behaviors that may indicate a potential batterer. It is not the purpose of the listing to imply that every person with some of these attributes is a batterer or potential batterer.

Hypersensitivity

An abusive person is easily insulted, perceiving the slightest setbacks as personal attacks.

Cruelty to animals or children

This is a person who punishes animals brutally or is insensitive to their pain. The abuser may expect children to perform beyond their capability (for example whipping a two-year-old for wetting a diaper or teasing children or siblings until they cry).

“Playful” use of force in sex

This behavior includes restraining partners against their will during sex, acting out fantasies in which the partner is helpless, initiating sex when the partner is asleep, or demanding sex when the partner is ill or tired. The abuser may show little concern for his partner’s wishes and will use sulking and anger to manipulate compliance.

Verbal abuse

This behavior involves saying things that are intended to be cruel and hurtful, cursing or degrading the victim, or putting down the victim’s accomplishments.

Rigid sex roles

The victim, almost always a woman, will be expected to serve. For instance, a male abuser will see women as inferior to men, responsible for menial tasks, stupid, and unable to be a whole person without a relationship.

Dual personality “Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde”

Explosive behavior and moodiness, which can shift quickly to congeniality, are typical of people who beat their partners.

Past battering

An abuser will beat any partner if the individual is involved with the abuser long enough for the cycle of abuse to begin. Circumstances do not make a person an abusive personality.

Threats of violence

This consists of any threat of physical force meant to control the partner. Most people do not threaten their mates but an abuser will excuse this behavior by claiming “everyone talks like that.”

Breaking or striking objects

This behavior is used as punishment (breaking sentimental possessions) or to terrorize the victim into submission.

Any force during an

argument

This may involve an abuser holding down his the victim, physically restraining the victim from leaving, or pushing or shoving. Holding someone back in order to make demands, such as “You will listen to me!” is also a show of force.

If you have been living in an abusive relationship, you mayfeel confused and afraid and not know where to turn or what to do. You may have mixed feelings of love and anger; wanting the abuse to end, but not wanting the relationship to be over. If you are in immediate danger call 911. For help contact Interior Health Crisis Line 1-888-353-2273.