A popular theory about the COVID-19 vaccine in some circles — ones I prefer not to frequent, as I value my grip on reality — holds that the vaccine is not just a vaccine: it’s actually a Trojan horse, under cover of which the government and/or Bill Gates of Microsoft fame will inject a microchip into people, so that their movements can be tracked.
I’m here to tell you that the theory is false. The vaccine is actually Phase Two of the plan; the tracking part has already been accomplished.
How do I know this? Exhibit A: a phone call I received on Easter Sunday, on my cellphone, from a B.C. cabinet minister. I have never corresponded directly with this person, and I have no idea how or why they would have my cellphone number, or where they might have found it. So I ask you: how did they come to have it, unless (dramatic music cue, please) I am already being tracked? The prosecution rests, your honour. Case closed.
All joking aside (and please be certain that the above is not meant to be taken seriously), finding someone’s cellphone number in this day and age is not a case for Sherlock Homes; even Insp. Clouseau could probably manage it, although there would doubtless be a lot of pratfalls before he did so.
Besides, I have to ask why anyone would go to the time, trouble, and expense of inventing a vaccine to inject tracking microchips into people, when billions have already, of their own free will, embraced having their movements and actions tracked.
I refer, of course, to the handy device that many of my readers will doubtless have within easy reach of where they now sit. Indeed, some of you might be reading this on the device itself: your smartphone. In 2018, the number of smartphone users in Canada was just under 30 million; a number projected to hit 31.88 million by 2021. That means that in Canada, which has a population of 37.59 million, 84.8 per cent of the population uses a mobile device. Worldwide, it is estimated that 5.13 billion people — 66.5 per cent of the world’s population — owns one.
Given those numbers, a reasonable question would be “Why would anyone bother to inject us with a tracking chip? Most of us already carry one around voluntarily.” And it’s not just that these devices can track our movements or help locate us: they probably know more about us than some of our nearest and dearest do.
Anyone who has ever searched for a product online will know this. Go looking for a particular item or service, and almost instantly you will see ads for those items or services showing up whenever you go on the internet. Shop on Amazon, and it will not only remember what you’ve ordered but make suggestions for other things you might like. If I go on YouTube and watch a Russian Sherlock Holmes parody, the next time I’m on YouTube there will be thumbnails with Cyrillic subtitles which I assume are other Russian Sherlock Holmes parodies (for some reason, Sherlock Holmes is very popular in Russian, which baffles and delights me in equal measure), or it will suggest that I might want to watch Sherlock Holmes and the House of Fear (1945) with Basil Rathbone and Nigel Bruce. (I hadn’t seen the film for years, so took YouTube’s advice, and have to say “Thank you,” because it was a treat to watch it again.)
I’m not suggesting there’s anything sinister about any of this, merely showing that I hope anyone who is really worried about the “vaccine as tracking device” theory does not have a smartphone, or use YouTube, or have a social media presence; heck, it’s probably safest not to use computers or devices at all. Also, don’t use an ATM, or credit or debit cards, or go anywhere that might have surveillance cameras (which is everywhere). If you’re truly concerned about being tracked, a vaccine should be the very least of your worries.